Be the Change. And Get Over It.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”- Mahatma Ghandi

In my last post, I wrote about the advice to “get over it” that has stuck with me and prompted me to put more of myself “out there” despite constant self-judgment. This morning I read the article “Shy of the Social Media Spotlight? Get Over It” written by an author and consultant who specializes in personal branding. Personal branding...I’ve mused in writing on that topic as well, again wrestling with fixedness and concerns about some perceived audience who holds power over me and judges my thoughts, ideas, words, titles…. marketability, intelligence and worth. 

As an educator I work to teach students to think carefully about what they share online. I want them to develop a bit of a filter on how they present themselves publicly. However, I recognize that many adults are hindered by the strength of the filters we have developed. 

When teaching yoga, I speak the words, “Let go of the ego…. have compassion for yourself. Never judge.” In yoga, yes. What about in life?

I “stalk” (how embarrassing to admit it) my daughter’s young friends and acquaintances on Instagram (never mind that they are all legally too young to have these accounts.) They are already over what I have to get over. It makes me uncomfortable and worried. They appear filter-less. But I don’t believe that they are without ego. Their egos are just being formed. Social media is inseparable from the growth and development of their senses of self. These are some of the questions I imagine them asking:

How many followers do I have?

How many likes did I get (and, maybe more importantly WHO is doing the liking)?

It is a very public popularity contest. And ultimately meaningless. 

Honestly, I am not sure where this line of thought is ultimately taking me except back to the original idea of letting go. I can’t change anything except (maybe) myself. Social media is what it is. Who we ARE should be no different from our “brand.”

It is not our business what others think of us. 

I am in the midst of reading an interesting book, “The Parents We Mean to Be” by Richard Weissbourd. In it he calls for adults- parents, teachers, coaches- to work always on their own moral development in order to be worthy mentors for the younger generation. All we really have to give is ourselves. We can have a shiny, happy website and tons of followers on this or that social media tool, but if the human behind the curtain fails to live up to the promise, than what is gained? 

Is social media a mirror where we get to control the image that shines back at us, tweaking away the ugly parts, burying them out of sight? Or is it by holding out the whole picture, without judgment, that we actually do grow as human beings?

Just thinking…

 

Writing as a Practice

I am trying to force myself to write practice writing more regularly. I tend to be overly self-conscious about each word, knowing that once my post is published, it’s out there. But a close friend and cherished mentor has told me to get over it.  And so I am trying to do just that.

I keep lists of blogging ideas and usually have several posts in draft. But I find that if I don’t finish a post and publish it, I often lose the inspiration. I have even forgotten the original idea behind the words. There is something about the hitting “publish” that helps the ideas take on greater form, a life of their own so to speak.

We think in words. I write to understand what I think. I write to engage and develop and grow my thinking. I write to learn how to write. I write to learn how to teach. I write to share my thoughts. Sometimes I write to promote my work, because I want attention or feedback. Sometimes I write just to write.

When I was 12 years old my mother died. My family didn’t talk about it, not while she was sick nor after she died. I don’t know if they thought I was too young or just couldn’t bring themselves to face the pain, but I felt lost and alone. I had always been a reader and so I discovered that writing was a way to soothe my soul. I filled journal after journal with sadness and confusion, trying to force those feelings  out of my body and onto the page.

Practices only work when we practice them habitually. I want to be a better writer. I am trying to practice.

I blog here and also there.

ABC Advice for Life

The idea for this post, came from a prompt on writingprompts.tumblr.com
A lot of my students were posting their “ABC Advice for Life” posts, and I was inspired to write one, too.

Always get a good night’s sleep.

Be kind.

Connect with nature.

Don’t forget to laugh at yourself.

Everything in moderation, including moderation!

Find the good in others.

Grow plants.

Hug people.

In this bright future, you can’t forget your past (nod to Bob Marley).

Just be happy.

Know yourself.

Listen with your eyes, ears and heart.

Make music part of your life.

Never say never.

Open your eyes and notice what’s around you.

Patience is a virtue.

Quit complaining and other negative habits.

Remember that everyone is fighting a difficult battle.

See the cup as half-full.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

Understand first, then be understood.

Voraciously read.

Work on being the best person you can be.

Xplore the world.

Yoga is awesome.

Zap away negative thoughts!

Yes or No?

Just reread my last post, the one where I promised myself to be present, breathe, stay in the moment and not stress. What a difference a month makes. Here I find myself barely hanging on, almost never practicing yoga, and very, very stressed out. How do I make things right again? How do I get back on my mat? How do I work hard and manage my responsibilities without making myself sick?

I read something today about the importance of saying no. Then I saw something else about saying yes. I admit, the saying yes was a TED talk, and I haven’t taken the time to watch it yet. So maybe I’m jumping the gun to write about it, but whatever the conclusion of the person who did it (said yes to all requests for help for …was it a month?), I liked the idea of it.

I want to be a “YES” person. To me, saying yes is a way to let energy flow through me, to acknowledge and show gratitude for all my good fortune in life. I want to give back, to help others, to be a person who can be counted on. So I say a lot of yes and sometimes I say yes when I really mean no. Lots of times though, I’m happy afterwards that I pushed myself. Yes leads to good things.

The problem is that sometimes yes just doesn’t work. Every “yes” causes an equal and opposite “no.” I’m a busy person with a lot to do, a lot of interests and only so much time in a day.

Knowing when to say yes and when to say no. It’s an act of balance. How do you find balance between want to do and have to do? Between saying yes and saying no? If you have nothing, you have nothing to give.

Bridges

Almost 7 years ago I moved from the San Francisco Bay Area to Jacksonville, Florida. It was a real culture shock, as the two places have almost nothing in common. However, San Francisco, a peninsula, and Jacksonville, the “River City” are both places where bridges feature prominently as part of the landscape.

I’m thinking about bridges right now in a more metaphoric sense, as it is almost time to go back to work after summer vacation. This summer I gave myself a gift. Three weeks to go deeper into my practice of yoga by doing a 200 hour teacher training. All day to do yoga, talk yoga, learn yoga and hang out in the yoga studio with other lovers of yoga.

How can I take the mindset of yoga- no judgement, no competition, be in the present, focus on the breath, go within- and use it as a bridge to the usual stress of going back to school/work?

In yoga, the breath is a bridge of sorts. It is the breath that is used to connect the effort with the ease. The breath is always our connection to the present moment. And it is the present moment that offers the answer to the alleviation of most stress.

When I start to think about HOW MUCH THERE IS TO DO, the only response my mind can come up with is a mild form of panic. “I’ll never get it all done.” “It’s too much.” “I’m not good enough” and on and on with those kinds of unhelpful messages ping-ponging around my mind. Judgement. Competition. Worry. The antithesis of the calm, centered letting-go that is yoga.

I notice, though, that I have changed. This year, for the first time ever, I do not feel panicky about going back to school. I know that I always do the best I can. I feel grateful to have a job that I really love. I will cross each bridge as I get to it. This is my new strategy- to rely on being in the present moment, to trust myself and to trust the flow of life.

 

 

Come Alive

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

It is the 6th day of the 30-day writing challenge and the third time already that mortality has featured prominently in the prompt. 15 minutes to live, one week to live, one place to travel before you die. I get it, the whole “live each day like it’s your last; one day you’re bound to be right.” But here’s the thing…”to do” lists are not meant for the person with one week left to live. While the goal is to live fully in each moment, we can’t always live for the moment. Sometimes we have to live for the future. If I truly had one week left to live, I certainly wouldn’t get a mammogram, my car’s oil changed or my teeth cleaned. I wouldn’t plant a garden, and I wouldn’t have children (if I didn’t already) cause gardens and babies imply hope for the future. I wouldn’t go to work (even though I love my job), and I wouldn’t save my money. “So much of life is spent preparing to live”….really it’s about maintenance. Taking care of our bodies, our houses, preparing food and cleaning up afterwards. The little things. There is nothing wrong with that.

In yoga, we seek the spot between effort and ease. Life is about seeking that same balance. Expand and contract. In general, one feels more pleasurable than the other. But the ease is enhanced, indeed is only truly understood, when it is partnered with the effort. I work so hard in a yoga class precisely for the experience of release I feel in savasana. Working hard during the school year is what makes the summers off so delicious, so expansive. It’s the release from the contraction into the expansion that makes the expansion feel great.

So, while I get the gist of this, I don’t agree that our lives should be spent doing only things that make us come alive. It’s not the right goal. The goal should be balance, an appreciation of every moment in our lives, whether exhilarating or mundane, whether engaged in a necessary task like doing the dishes or enjoying something that makes your heart sing like (for me) skiing a gigantic, rocky mountain on a sunny day with friends.

If I did have just one week left to live I would spend my savings and take family and friends skiing in a beautiful location. I’d eat as much chocolate mousse as I could find. That’s it, just expansion, fun and ease. Doesn’t sound like much of a life, though.

Travel

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

I want to visit lots of places. I want to live in lots of places. I love the mountains. I’d like to ski every day. I want to speak Spanish fluently and live where life is relaxed, where “mañana” means “some other time” and no one really cares when that is.

It’s the “one place to visit before you die” that I can’t wrap my brain around. I want to have enough life to do it all, not just visit one “special” place. I want to go back to places again and again.

I’m torn between the desire for deep roots and the urge to travel. If, tomorrow, someone offered me a free trip anywhere in the world,  I’d head to South America.