One of my favorite yoga teachers, Kate, says, “Yoga is not about self improvement. It is about self acceptance.”
I am all about improving myself, but I also understand that true self-acceptance allows us to accept others which is also self-improvement.
I am, in many ways, a decent person. And I am, in many ways, a not-decent person. I try hard, work hard and am highly motivated to learn and grow, to be better. But every single day I fail.
I plan to be calm, and I get angry.
I know I should speak less and listen more, but still I assert my opinions as if they matter.
Self-improvement, in my mind, is about growing beyond the “self” as in the ego self. Trusting.
What am I learning with Rivka? She is such a true believer, a religious person. I am a skeptic. I believe….. sort of. And not enough to become religious, to make religion and ritual and God the main focus of my life. What is the main focus of my life? Why do I want to improve myself?
It’s complicated, and my reasons are confused.
One thing Rivka said last night that really stuck in my mind is that “hell” in the next world is shame and regret over the good we could have done while in this world but did not. Wow.